


cage of flames

by rippedjuns



Series: i’ll be with you from dusk till dawn [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: <3, Also Me Trying to Be Poetic, Attempt at a Cyclical Narrative, Domestic Violence, Drabble, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, I’m trying okay, M/M, Pain, Toxic Relationship, ilya - Freeform, please stay safe guys, this is deep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 05:17:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16591553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rippedjuns/pseuds/rippedjuns
Summary: i hate myself for loving you. i should’ve left when there was no lock on the cage.now i’m trapped.





	cage of flames

**Author's Note:**

> !!! trigger warning: domestic violence !!!
> 
> fun fact: this is actually part and parcel of my revision for my english mocks tomorrow  
> the prompt was a picture of a metal fence with hands reaching up to it, and the word ‘conflict’. this is what my brain decided to write about
> 
> now playing - as the stars tremble by ibrahim

the throbbing of the cold purple ink weaved into my skin beats faster than my heart, the aching of my muscles reminiscent of the incisions that caused each mark you gave me to tack itself to my body. you hold the needle. you can’t seem to cut the thread that holds us together - despite me thrashing to separate the ties - and instead you pull us closer, closer to the needle tip. you tell me that fate has sewn us together, the crimson thread knotted around our bones, yet i could notice the ebony that had stained the cotton. i beg for you to forget about the machinery, and for you to see the true love that i desperately want to gift you. you never want to respond.

you confuse me. most of the time, you cause us both to become numb for the polar opposite emotions - you run out of energy from the anger that blazes out from your eye sockets, and i swim in pools of my arctic tears until there’s nothing left to melt from my ducts - and then you disappear for an unknown amount of time. howbeit, your bitter espresso can turn into something sweet in a matter of minutes, your ferocious eyes no longer seeming threatening (you could even say that they look...cute). i would lose myself in the high of what i believed was your true love, falling deeper and deeper into the kiss whilst unconsciously gaining trust in someone who could belittle me in a matter of seconds.

_“you’re all i need, baby.”_

_“i promise that none of this will happen again.”_

_“i love you so much, seungcheol.”_

where did that young boy in love fade away to?

every time i fall victim to your kiss, i feel the locks closing their chains around our bodies, the metal rubbing against my sleeve as i indulge myself in one of the final times that you would kiss me like this. it is always the last time i see heaven before you and your links drag me down to hell with you.

i wish for the freedom you gave us when our relationship was fresh abloom. i wish for the freedom to run through the fields of the local park without having to have a bracelet on my wrist that was constantly magnetised to your hand. i wish for the freedom to be my own person and to still be able to be the key to your heart simultaneously.

you used to be so carefree, resting your head on my shoulder as roses bloomed around our feet. we were sewing the tapestry of our love to display just as proudly as the hearts on our sleeves. i still hold the photos of our blossoming love, where the petals surrounding my heart would open up just for you to woo me and take my breath away from my lips with your own. not even the flowers in the national parks could defeat the flower i wanted to grow with you, the flowers that you would pick when you wanted to show your affection despite the fact that moths flew out of your wallet.

now, you tell me that you love me dearly with every hit to my body. you engrave permanent marks of love, yet it’s agonising to touch and remember.

you used to feel so warm - whether you wore an oversized sweater or a shirt that was two sizes too small - and the heat always drew me closer. my heart would expand with love for you, making the sea envious of the broadness of our romance. the crackling fire in your soul made you seem trustworthy, comforting, safe; you were safer than any cage of security guards.

little did i know that the fire was going to uncontrollably spread.

now, i realise the damage that the flames can do to the human figure: suffocating fumes of your love choking me in lies; roaring screams of fury which i begged to quieten down; scars of the orange sparks striking my skin specifically where you knew i was weak. the flames shriek as i cower against the walls caging me inside, the paintings on the walls mocking my pain and agony through deafening laughter.

not even my tears of petrification could calm down your blazing fire.

nevertheless, even when i’m scrambling for the locks on the windows, on the doors, on the gates, i can’t fail to admire the parts of you that my naive mind fell for: your pupils which stole the stars from the sky, your burning cheeks when we first confessed, your special way of calling my name. i despise you, yet i can’t seem to untangle myself from your red strings, constantly finding myself back in your arms no matter how many times i try.

the icy tattoos you leave will forever remain etched into my skin, and possibly more will join them in the inevitable future. it’s something that people plead for me to resolve, that there are better lovers out there for me.

but i stay locked inside your love prison.

because i don’t know any better.

because no one can love me as much as you supposedly love me.

because - for some reason - i still love you, hong jisoo.

so here i stay. 

**Author's Note:**

> please do not stay quiet or believe that you are in the wrong if you are a victim of domestic violence. there are so many people that are willing to support you and talk to you and support you through the process of escaping your toxic relationship. 
> 
> also, i am not trying to romanticise this issue whatsoever. 
> 
> i wasn’t able to find a master list of all the dv hotlines, but here is the biggest list i was able to obtain: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
> 
> please stay safe you guys <33333
> 
> feedback is always appreciated
> 
> ☆thank you for reading!☆


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